This was found hanging on the Board in the lunchroom
TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
It is advised that you should come to work dressed according to your salary:
2. If you dress poorly, you need to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, therefore you do not need a raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's excuse as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where the employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so they can